Newsletter Issue 1 January 7, 2003

Introduction:

Welcome and I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. With the new year just beginning many of us are thinking about our resolutions to change our ways and our good intentions of keeping them. Now is the time to make a commitment to yourself and work hard to achieve a happier healthier lifestyle.

You can begin today by making a change in your life, any change. It doesn’t have to be a HUGE change, but a small change! Any change will create a difference, if you are willing to try. Try doing something special for your partner that you haven’t done in a long time, try reading with your children or playing a game with them or try taking 15 minutes to yourself each day to meditate or do something you enjoy or relaxing. It’s up to you to make a CHANGE!

In this issue of my newsletter, I’ve tried to pack as much useful information and additional resources as possible to give you a taste of what’s to come in upcoming issues and resources that are available at mytherapistnc.org. I hope to deliver a newsletter to you every month with new and interesting articles, web resources, recommended books of the month and what’s new at mytherapistnc.org.

This issue features an article focused on caregiving for the elderly. I hope you enjoy it and return to mytherapistnc.org soon.

Carole

1. Feature Article

2. What’s new at mytherapistnc.org!

3. Recommended Book of the Month

4. Coming in future issues!

5. Recommended sites

1. Feature Article

Caregiving for Elderly Parents

In this new age, families are taking care of elderly parents inside the home more than ever. This generation of caretakers has been given the name “sandwich generation” because they are still raising children of their own when they find themselves in the midst of taking care of an elderly parent in their home.

These families juggle many roles and responsibilities, including working full time, raising their own immediate families and adjusting their lives to make room for an elderly parent. Many times these caregivers have little or no experience taking care of the elderly. They have to learn how to administer medications, arrange nutritional needs, and deal with behaviors associated with disease or disability including dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. There are many adjustments a family must make and all members of a family must adapt to their new responsibilities. Change is not left just to the caregiver but the whole family system. Children and friends might be asked to help run errands and do household chores because the primary caregiver is busy arranging meals and making doctor appointments.

One of the most intense issues surrounding caregiving of a parent is the parent-child relationship. Parent-child relationships are difficult to begin with, but add having to care for your parent in a way that makes you act as their parent, and this is a nightmare waiting to happen, if you let it.

The first thing you must remember is that you are NOT parenting your parent. Yes, you may be doing some of the things that a parent would do for a child like tying shoelaces, changing diapers and administering medications but this in no way means you are now the parent. Your parents are still your parents and you are still their child and will always be their child. You may have new responsibilities and be dealing with a rebellious behavior, but that does not change your roles.

One of the biggest mistakes a caregiver can make is to begin thinking of their elderly parent as a child. Sometimes an elderly parent will revert to acting in childish way, act rebellious or stubborn, refuse to eat the right foods or take their medicine but this does not make them a child. If you begin to think that they are, then you will only cause frustration for yourself down the road. If you can continue to act as an adult and treat your parent as an adult you will make this transition in both your lives much easier.

One important and useful way of making this transition work is to encourage your parents’ independence in any way possible. In the end it will be better for you and for them. Encourage them to clean up after themselves, make their own lunch and take walks to the store to shop. Activity is good for their body, mind and spirit. When your parents every need is being taken care of by someone else and they feel as if they have completely lost control over their lives, they can become disheartened and become helpless. This isn’t healthy for the mind or body. Be sure to find new ways of fostering you parents’ independence.

Providing care for elderly parents is a stressful, emotional and physically/mentally exhausting responsibility. Balancing concerns for their own immediate family, working outside the home and caregiving for an elderly parent can cause stress related symptoms to the caregiver. If you know a caregiver with some or most of these symptoms you may want to reach out for support or professional services from a an experienced family therapist:

· Lack of sleep

· Anxiety

· Depression

· Poor immune systems

· Irregular eating habits

· Not maintaining their own health

Many communities offer support groups for caregivers and family therapy is a viable and proven resource. Family therapists can enhance relationships between parent and child, reduce caregiver stress and increase the health of the caregiver.

For more information please reach out the following resources.

Web Resources

Administration on Aging

(800) 677-1116

www.aoa.dhhs.gov

Family Caregiver Alliance

(415) 434-3388

www.caregiver.org

Well Spouse Foundation

(800) 838-0879

www.wellspouse.org

Books

How to Care for Aging Parent’s by Virginia Morris

Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents by Jacqueline Marcell

Self-Care Now! 30 Tips to Help You Take Care of Yourself & Minimize Caregiver Burnout by Pauline Salvucci

The Alzheimer's Caregiver : Dealing with the Realities of Dementia by Harriet Hodgson

2. What’s new at mytherapistnc.org!

Groups & Workshops

Groups are running now!

Parent Education Course
Grandparents Raising a Second Family
Women's Groups
Teen Groups

3. Recommended Book of the Month

Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility By Foster W. Cline, Jim Fay

John Kennington, Fellowship Today Magazine, December 1990 - If you're looking for practical parenting skills, this book is a must. The pages are chock full of tips that you can implement right away...this book is one of the best parenting resources I've seen. Because of what I learned from this book, I've already seen positive changes in my relationship with my son. Don't let this vital resource slip by. (Jolene L. Roehlkepartain, OURS Magazine, February 1993)